Mother’s Day: The Mother Wound

I won the karmic lottery with my Mother. I knew she was one of the biggest blessings I could have here on Earth and I am grateful every single day for that relationship. I also know that not everyone has or had a good Mother.

My Mother passed 6 years ago and today and frankly, everyday I miss my her. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve picked up the phone to call her and tell her something important and then……I remember. She isn’t physically here anymore.

As a Medium, I understand and KNOW that she is with me and most of the time that brings me great comfort. How I long for one last great conversation together. But again—then I would want another….long sigh.

But today of all days, I want to address the unsung heroes in my book that had to cope with life with a special challenge, having a Mother that was extremely difficult and disruptive.

As a Psychotherapist and a Medium I know that approximately 50% of people have experienced complicated Mothers. Of course, this is another way of saying they were not easy to have a relationship with and caused chaos and in some cases much harm along the way. It also means having a Mother that more than likely suffered from mental illness, narcissism, borderline personality, undiagnosed bipolar, the list could go on and on but those tend to be the big ones we look for as therapists. It is all painful. And yes, it all stems from trauma—most likely generational.

What is the Mother Wound? The Mother Wound is a term used to describe the lasting scars a person may carry from a childhood where the mother was absent, disengaged, abandoned you, made you feel unloved, and unworthy, a home full of rage.

Signs you may have the Mother Wound:

  • Feel like you are never enough
  • Struggle with intense self-doubt
  • Either want full control or full chaos
  • Difficulty forming and maintaining relationships
  • Inability to self-soothe

How to heal from the Mother Wound: The mother wound is the result of emotional trauma. Simply acknowledging this can be a powerful step forward.

The first step to healing from trauma and overcoming emotional damage is acknowledging your feelings. Understand that it’s not your fault, and it’s okay to feel the way you do.

  • Practicing self-care/self-compassion. Indulging in healing practices such as taking a walk, meditating, or going out for coffee with friends will help us in the process of recovery from the damage of insufficient mothering.
  • Creative expression. Various forms of art, music, drama, and writing can promote awareness and help us recognize dysfunctional patterns.
  • Getting in touch with your emotions. Allowing ourselves to feel the rage, the hurt, and the resentment is vital for healing. Naming the feeling and exploring strategies to regulate ourselves will strengthen our ability to self-soothe.
  • Parent yourself. Recognizing that the ruptures in your early attachments weren’t your fault will heal the damage that led to feeling unworthy of love, self-denying, and deprecating.
  • Inner child work. Inner child work promotes healing and nurturing subconscious parts of our psyche and allows us to tend to our unmet childhood needs. Finding our inner mother and learning to nurture ourselves will lead to healthier attachment styles.

Today I honor and recognize the men and women who struggle with their Mothers—either currently at this time or the Mothers who are now on the other side, but have left a harmful legacy in their wake. To you. I say BRAVO for surviving. I hope you have other love in your life which can come in the form of a good Father, a partner, a dear friend, a child or an incredibly special animal. Please take care of YOURSELF today.

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